Forget about appearance and attraction, relationships are built on non-intimate turn ons, the magical little moments that get you thinking, “oh, I like this person.” The green flags and positive vibes versus the red flags and dealbreakers, are what can determine if someone is right for you.
Of course, for book lovers, finding the right fit goes beyond everyday green flag and red flags. Readers have higher standards, and it’s not just because of all the swoony romances and amazing book boyfriends out there. We know that you can tell a lot about a person from their bookshelf.
So, to offer a bit of guidance to those looking to find their way into a bookish heart, we’ve put together a list of our biggest non-intimate turn ons, and turn offs.
Here are the relationship green flags and red flags for readers and book lovers.
Green Flag
Sends real texts, not just the dreaded “hey.”
Their texts are whole paragraphs with detials, jokes, and genuine curiosity. They drive conversation.
Bonus Points: Double texting! It means they immediately thought of something they just HAVE to tell you.
They have “quirky” or “weird” hobbies.
Even better? They take an interest in your quirky hobbies too. You encourage each other to knit socks for your pets, play in a weekly D&D game, or collect little trinkets.
Comes prepared with suggestions, not indecision.
Planning a date night or deciding on dinner options? They come prepared with thoughtful options, so you can make the decision together, not alone.
They laugh with their whole soul.
We’re talking full-body, tears-streaming, can’t-breathe laughter. The kind that makes you feel instantly closer.
They remember your favorite snacks.
And they buy them without being asked.
Bonus Points: They get your favorite brand!
Bookshelf Green Flags
Their bookshelves are delightfully eclectic.
It’s a clear sign of excellent taste when a shelf is filled with a mix of bestsellers, fantasy epics, literary fiction, biographies, and classics.
A fan of books in any format
A book lover is a book lover, no matter the medium.
A book collection that look read, not staged.
This is a lived-in library, not a display piece, full of broken spines, creased covers, forgotten bookmarks, colorful tabs, and annotated margins.
There’s a stack of library books
Overdue or not, supporting the local library is always a green flag.
They have a favorite independent bookstore.
Even better if they take you there!
They keep a shelf reserved for their favorite books.
Of course, the shelf is filled to the brim.
Red Flags
“I don’t care, you choose” is their response. Every. Single. Time
It’s even worse if they suggest the same boring place over and over. Indecisiveness is beige. Lack of effort is red.
Their gifts are almost right.
Wrong color, wrong size, off-brand version, or the “this was on sale” special.
Minus Points: If you have to handle the returns
They take FOREVER to reply to your text.
Maybe they answered in their head and forgot to hit send, that’s a beige flag. But constantly taking forever to respond, that is definetly red.
Bookshelf Red Flags
Haven’t read poetry since high school.
What’s more, they don’t know a single modern poet like Rupi Kaur, Nikita Gil, or Amanda Gorman.
They own fewer than 20 books
Including ebooks and audiobooks. Shelves deserve more than a couple of handfuls of books.
They organize their books “wrong.”
Not like your perfect system. It’s too much chaos energy.
Prefers the mass-market paperback editions over trade or hardcovers.
Tiny font? Fragil glue? Why?
Doesn’t own a single poetry collection.
Not even the classics!
Their shelves are filled with:
- One genre
- Mis-matched book series
- Magazines
- Encyclopedias
- Fake books
- Books for the “aesthetics”
Bookshelves and habits don’t lie. They can tell you everything you need to know.
So, if you happen to find someone that communicates openly, shows genuine curiosity and consideration, treats your hobbies with respect, AND has a bookshelf you can agree with – you just might have a keeper.
